I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
