Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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