So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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