tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
