I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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