I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
