If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Randomize
