i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
