i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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