the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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