I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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