Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
