about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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