how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
Randomize
