She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
