Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
3 2 1 whiskey
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
