ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
