Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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