having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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