sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
