shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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