I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
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