You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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