I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize