Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
