We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
