my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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