There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
