Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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