when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
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