You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
