this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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