ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
