well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
