I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
