Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
