i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Randomize
