bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
