Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Are my feet made of real feet?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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