i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
