I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize