He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
