how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
