I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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