I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
