do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize