I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
Randomize
