The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
