I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Randomize
