i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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