Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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