I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
