You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
