how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Blood and glitter go together right?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
