There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
