Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
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