my room smells like sperm. sweet.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
