i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
