Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
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