youre lurking in front of me
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize