thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Even the bartender felt bad for me
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
