i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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