Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize