The maid of honor just puked.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
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