My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
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