On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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