They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Randomize
