I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm passing your future prison.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
