You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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