I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
