Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize