I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Randomize
