This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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